I hate love

She says I am different already. She wants me to be happy when she is having fun with her bf? She gets wet with her bf and masturbate him, moan when he fingers her and she wants me to treat it as nothing has happen and continue treat her lovey dovely?

Come on!!! What does she treats me as? She is a woman I love! I am suffering because she wants me to stay and because she don't want to get guilty.

Now she is having physical relationship with someone else other than me and I should not think about it as long as She loves me? So I should just look beyond all those and just think she loves me?

I really wish I can do that however, The picture of how they get naked and how they touch each other and how they pleasure each other and enjoying pissed me off. I can not be the same person ever again.

I am ruined. I hate myself. I wanna die