Awaken from a dream

Had a huge quarrel last night...talk about whole lots of stuff but never really settle any things at all.

She said it was to protect our relationship but said if he found out she will just tell him she loves me lots and ask him to choose.. No guys would allow their gf to love any other guys...he will definitely ask her to choose between me or him...I am guessing she might choose him because there aint no future with me.

Well I finally understand that he is an important person in her life too and its impossible that she will leave him even thou she mention in the heat of conversation. I asked if she would leave him if i said that i wanted to? She replied no. She wont do it either. So there goes...its pointless with my constant upsetting and constant uncomfortable and all.

Weekends is their day and i am just an intruder. He has something on in the evening but he will still be coming over to her place to accompany her till the time he is suppose to leave. She even woke up early to do housework so that when the bf is here she can accompany him later in the afternoon.

Initially i am suppose to pick her up from her place but she said maybe there might be a chance where he will insist on sending her or would leave her house late. So she will update later.

Yesterday i asked her are we having an affair...she said no...which part of the relationship makes me feel like we are having an affair? I hope the above ans her own question.

The fact that I must always hide in the dark and only appear when the bf leaves makes me feel like i am having an affair.

The fact that I can only meet her when she is not meeting her bf or when only the bf leaves makes me feel like we are having an affair.

Its true during weekdays she can choose to meet either one of us and she chose to meet me. However there are also times she will tell me during weekends she has to accompany her boyfriend too...So Doesnt it mean that it will only be my turn when her bf is satisfied?

I am like the leftovers, only when everyone else is satisfied then i will get my chance..

Its really time to move on and stop getting upset and uncomfortable...maybe i should really just think of it as an affair and nothing else....

I need a FB....someone who i can enjoy being with....i no longer enjoy being with her because there is just too much pain.

I need a FB but for the time being i will just treat her as one..

Last night she said if i am cold towards her she will be cold towards me...thats when i realise...this relationship really aint about love...its about companionship. Its about fun and happy times..

She said she is capable of loving two person at the same time and i believe in her because she does have history in that....oh well...I just treat it as an affair....makes my dick feels better too...